(NOTE: I originally wrote this entry last fall for a friend's blog. But I never posted it here on my own blog. You know what is funny? Re-reading this post now, I can't even remember the night I talk about in this post! ha ha.... But I do remember my husband's loving counsel.)
This morning at breakfast my husband asked me why I was
crying. “Are you sad because your
old roommate had to cancel the play date you guys had planned with the
kids?” No, I was crying because of
the events from last night. It took
3 long hours to put both boys to sleep.
The fluctuating sleep habits of my two sons has to be my greatest source
of anxiety, guilt, anger, envy, malice and covetousness during this season of
my life. And I was crying because
I concluded last night was a failure.
Then over pancakes and coffee I proceeded to explain to my
husband why I was so depressed over the events of last night. Try as I may, I cannot get my
toddler-aged son to sleep on his own.
I have read several books on sleep training your child. I have googled and research how and why
toddlers have trouble sleeping. I
have implemented and sought to keep my son on a schedule to help improve the
ease of putting him to sleep. My
imagination runs wild and accuses me even more of my failure. The standard I have set from all of the
knowledge I’ve accumulated over my research on toddler sleep is that the most
basic step to having a well behaved child, and thus being a good parent, is
having a child that takes naps and sleeps regularly as instructed. I did not meet the standard I set and
that depressed my weary soul.
My depression this morning over pancakes and coffee, steamed
from my accumulated toil of striving to sleep train my son. I just finally gave up. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was tired.
I went on and on explaining to my husband all of the factors
involved that made my goal seem impossible. My own failures, the health issues of my son, vacations and
holidays interuptions, errands and outings, and much more were obstacles I
couldn’t avoid in trying to sleep train your child. Then after listening to all my sorrow my husband simply
replied…
“You know there is hope.”
He said all of my efforts would be fruitful if our son was a
robot. But he is not a robot, he
is a sinner. He said my hope did
not lie in getting our son to follow the advice of all of the best “mommy
blogs”. My hope is found in Jesus
Christ and the gospel.
Okay, but what does Jesus have to do with my son sleeping?
My husband said that my sin is not the failure of my son
sleeping obediently on a specific schedule. No, instead my sin was self-righteousness in trying to use
my toil as means for approval before God.
Struggle with self-righteousness is not a new to me. This is a constant sin that entices my
flesh. I can twist and distort the
most helpful and well-meaning mommy blog out there into a simple to do list that
I can complete and boast about to others.
But the thing about self-righteousness is that it removes all hope
outside my own efforts, talents, and abilities. In self-righteousness there is no rest until complete
obedience has been obtained. Am I
trying to perfect my own flesh (Gal. 3:3)? If I could obtain righteousness and complete obedience
through to do lists, then Christ died for no purpose (Gal 2:21)!
So if my husband is right, that hope lies in the gospel
through Jesus Christ, then hope begins with repentance. The mention of repentance to
self-righteous ears sounds like yet another task and to do to complete. I have often had the thought, “oh man I
have to repent again!” But that is
the wrong view of repentance.
Rather repentance should always be a source of joy and rest because you
are turning from your own failures and turning towards a merciful, forgiving,
longsuffering, and loving Savior!
When you find yourself with a downcast soul over yet another
failure how can you renew your hope?
In 5 minutes, you can start on the road to renewed hope by remembering
these simple truths (taken from the two sermons referenced at the bottom of
this post.)
·
Remember
sin and guilt do not produce true repentance (Matthew 27:3).
o Staring
at and analyzing all of the minuet details of my sin will not bring me relief.
·
Recognize
that seeing and loving Christ causes a guilt filled Christian to repent (Romans
2:4).
o How
do I look at Christ? Instead of
being intimately aware of every minuet detail of my sin I need to become
intimately aware of every attribute of my Savior.
·
Realize sin
is the result of a battle in the mind, our imagination (Ephesians 4).
o My
allurement of sin won’t vanish in 5 minutes, nor within my lifetime. But within 5 minutes I can weaken the
battle of sin in my mind and renew my hope in a merciful and gentle Savior who
will one day complete my salvation and bring me to heaven!
These two sermons helped me in the battle of my mind and
gave me renewed hope in my Savior:
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