Allan's Salvation Testimony

God orchestrated everything in my life since birth to bring me to the point a few years ago when I committed my life to Christ. I was saved during my last year at UCLA. The year before that, I ended my one-year tenure as the electronic media director for the Daily Bruin, UCLA’s newspaper. I was in charge of the department that maintained the newspaper’s website. That position opened up opportunities for me to get involved in the then-booming Internet industry. From the summer through the fall of 1999, I worked for a small web-design firm in Van Nuys.

At the time, the Internet industry was quite lucrative and web design companies were paying large sums of money for web developers. I eagerly jumped at the opportunity to make money. As a college student, I could only work part-time for the web design firm, but I still made more money than some of my friends who already had their college degrees and were working full-time. My career became my god. I did everything I could to make myself competitive in the job market. I was enthusiastic about learning new technologies and did my best to network with UCLA alumni who were in the same field.

But as I reaped the financial benefits of being in the Internet industry, I also noticed that I felt very empty. I made more money than ever, but I did not feel content. There was something missing. It couldn’t have been money since I had a lot (for a college student); but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. This feeling of emptiness grew to frustration. I was frustrated that I wasn’t content or happy even though I was making a lot of money. I was on track to an excellent and successful career, but I felt empty. I often thought to myself, “Is this all there is to life?”

In December 1999, I left the web design firm to shift my focus to finishing school. After I left my job, I came to the conclusion that whatever it was that I felt was missing could not be filled by material gain. While I was at the Daily Bruin, I had a couple of co-workers who were Christians. I remembered that, though they were not as career-oriented as I was, they seemed to be content with life. There was something different about them; they had a different outlook on life. They seemed to know something that I didn’t, and I wanted to know what that was, so I started to attend their bible study on campus.

In January 2000, I started attending the Navigators bible study on the UCLA campus. I greatly enjoyed the teaching. I learned a lot about the bible, a lot about God, and also learned a lot about myself. As I learned more about God’s character and His holiness, the contrast between His righteousness and my sin became blatantly obvious. I gained more knowledge about God and the bible, but my life did not reflect what I learned. I had a lot of head-knowledge, but that did not keep me from sin. Even after attending Navigators for several weeks, I still fell to sin just as I did before I attended the bible study. I saw my hypocrisy, and was convicted by it. I pretended to be a Christian by associating with Christian friends, but I knew that I wasn’t one. I could not deny the sinful life that I led.

This went on through the winter quarter of 2000. At the start of the spring quarter, my conviction grew so strong that I felt that I had to decide: either deal with my sins or stop pretending to be a Christian and drop out of the bible study. I was lying to my friends, myself, and to God. I wanted to be a Christian. I wanted to follow God and live according to His ways. I tried my best to follow Him, but I could not. I always failed. Sin had a tight grip on me.

When time came for the first bible study of the spring quarter, I kept asking myself, “Should I go? Or should I stop lying to everybody and just stop going?” I thought about this all day long. I knew that I offended God with my sinful life and I felt that I was offending Him even more by associating with Christians. I felt hopeless. I genuinely believed that I was beyond salvation. When it was time for the bible study, I decided to attend that night on the condition that I would stop attending if I still felt the same afterward.

That night, the bible teacher, Alex Schweng, preached from Luke 7:36-50. The text was about the woman who wept on Jesus’ feet and wiped His feet with her hair. A phrase from verse 47 stood out, “her sins, which are many, have been forgiven”. One of the things that Alex explained was that there is no sin so heinous that Jesus’ death cannot atone for. We are all vile sinners. We have no righteousness of our own. The reason that Jesus suffered, died, and rose again was to be the sacrifice for our sins and to redeem us. Salvation is something that He gives as a gift. It is not something we can attain or work for, as I had been trying. That night, I finally understood the good news of salvation, that it is available only through Christ.

Immediately after the bible study, I went home as fast as I could. On the bus, I tried my best to hold the tears. As soon as I stepped in my apartment, I broke down and cried. I cried because of the wickedness of my sin. I cried because I knew that I caused Jesus to suffer on the cross. He suffered and died for my sins. I recalled instances of sin in my life, and I thought, “Christ died for that sin, for that one, and that one too… and I’m forgiven for all of those!” Although I did not say a “sinner’s prayer,” that was the night I was saved. I went from dreading the fact that I was under the wrath of God, to being the recipient of His grace and knowing that I am forgiven for all of my sins. By God’s grace, He has placed me in a solid bible believing church in Grace Community Church. I am immensely blessed by being a part of this wonderful family of believers. God has since opened doors for me to minister to others and to present the gospel to some of my unbelieving friends. Although I do not live a perfect and sin-free life, my life is no longer defined by my sin. My life used to be an unbroken cycle of sin. Now, that cycle has been broken, and the unyielding grip which sin had over me has been removed.

The week after I was saved, I noticed that the feeling of emptiness was gone! For the first time in my life, I was genuinely content. I could affirm what David said in Psalm 23, “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Although I don’t make nearly as much money as I did when I was in the Internet industry, now my treasure is “in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal.” I no longer work for the food that perishes, but for the food that which endures to eternal life which Christ has given me.