“Doc, is it serious?”… “No, its just gas.”

It is amazing how much our actions affect others around us.  They say that your sin has consequences and it never only affects you.  Your actions affect those around you.  I learned that this morning.

Around 2am I woke up with extreme gas pains.  I stumbled to the bathroom when the pain increased.  As the pain was increasing I let my mind wander.  I didn’t discipline my thoughts, which only lead to the sin of anxiety, fear and panic.

My mind went back two days ago, to Monday when I learned from the doctor that my son has the MRSA bacteria.  Jakob had a small infection on his tummy and the pediatrician examined it last Friday.  This past Monday he called with the lab results.  When I answered my phone the doc said, “it is a bad one.”  He told me the name of the bacteria and said I could look it up.  I immediately called my husband and told him.  Once again my wise husband who understands and knows me so well said, “Sandi, pray first before you look up information about MRSA because you have a tendency to panic.”

So what came to mind when I sat in the restroom at 2am?  The information I read from the internet about MRSA flooded my thoughts.  As my thoughts informed my actions my behavior changed so quickly.  I went from mere abdominal pain, to groaning, to crying, to full fear and panic!  My mind was not stable and I was far from a gentle and quiet spirit.  I was thinking, “oh no I must have MRSA!  I am going to have to be hospitalized.  How will I nurse my son if I am in the hospital?  MRSA can be fatal if it infects your organs, this pain must be evidence that it has infected my organs…. I am going to die!”

After that I tried to make it back to my bed.  In my fear I started running, fast, to get back to bed where my husband was sleeping.  And in my sleepiness I ran with my eyes closed.  Then… BAM!  I ran full force into the wall!  I don’t even remember seeing it coming because I was too where I was going.  My husband woke up immediate to my crash.  He tended to me and helped me get back to sleep. 

It wasn’t until the morning when I realized how much my hand hurt (from running full force into the wall with my eyes closed).  Surely it must be broken.  It was bruised and painful to move.  I was suppose to drop off sandwiches to my friend’s house this morning at 9am.  How will I drive?  How will I care for my sons?  I wanted to go to the doctor to get a diagnosis on my hand.  My husband saw I couldn’t drive with my injured hand.  He called into work to stay home to care for me.  Then I realized I couldn’t make the sandwiches I needed to make because my hand hurt, so I woke my mom to help.  And on top of this our well had issues and the pumped stopped working, so we didn’t have any running water.

This is when I became aware of my actions and was very embarrassed.  At this point it became clear to me that I wasn’t going to die and I overreacted last night because I panicked rather than trusting God.  I was not disciplining my thoughts on the Word of God, but instead allowed my thoughts to wander…. causing me to fear the unknown and believe the “what ifs”.  Running full force into a wall with your eyes closed, because you had a few gas pains definitely qualifies for an overreaction!  And now it was becoming clear how much my panic and fear affected others.  First it affected my husband, he had to stay home from work to help me.  Second it affected my husband’s job, because it was a big day at his work and now his co-workers had to work harder since Allan wasn’t there.  Third it affected my mom and she had to make the sandwiches for me.

Today was a humbling lesson on trusting God.  The bruise and ache in my hand is a reminder of my failure to actively inform my mind with the Word of God.  I allowed circumstances and “what ifs” to control my mind and actions rather than the promises and character of God.  And it is a reminder of how my actions have consequences, with a very clear demonstrating of how the sin of worry and fear affects the lives of others.