My Week of Singleness Comes to an End

As I type, only 1 ½ hours until Allan’s plane touches down at LAX. I am excited and eager to see him! After I pick up Allan, little sweet Jakob should be arriving home as well! I probably should be using this time to take a nap and rest up, but I am too excited right now. ☺ Plus I thought this is a good opportunity to post a recap on how my “week of singleness” was.

It would be nice to post pictures from my week, but Allan had our camera so you’ll just have to use your imagination. So what did I do? Well early in my week I went over to an old friend/co-worker’s place for a dinner party. It was very enjoyable to see her again and spend time playing games with her friends for the evening (she planned some really fun group games). Then, I went out for dinner and a movie with two of my dear friends. It was relaxing to have “girl time” together. Then I had breakfast with another dear friend, and also joined her to a summer book club chat about the book Counsel From the Cross by Elyze Fitzpatrick. Then I ran some errands and had lunch with my friend and her two young girls (ha ha… an got a small taste of what it will be like having two). Then I spent time with my sister in her classroom helping her prepare for her open house. Then I spent one day with two of wives who’s husbands were also serving in the Philippines with Allan. Then my mom helped me clean out the closet and reorganize it to get ready for Trevor. Then my dearest old friend came over for pizza, cookies, a chick flick, and a slumber party. Whew, that sounds like a lot when you see it all written out. And between those times I took naps and read books.

People would ask me if I missed my son. I did miss him, but at the same time I was enjoying my week. I wasn’t worried at all because he was with my in-laws and family. I know how much they love him, so I didn’t have to worry if he was being cared for. I was excited that he got the chance to spend the week with them. He is such a fun little guy that brings me so much joy that I wanted him to bring them joy too. Plus, he got to spend time with his 4 cousins as well.

When I was at my friend’s dinner part at the beginning of my “week of singleness” I realized that the whole atmosphere felt very single to me. I couldn’t quite figure out why. And at first I just thought that it was because there was an absence of talk and conversation about babies, children, discipline, diapers, spit up, naps, schedules, etc. And that was part of it. But as my week continued I realized also that the feeling of “singleness” was also the absence of distractions. My mind wasn’t half focused on the current task at hand, with the other half focused on Jakob’s schedule or the need to plan his next meal, wash his diaper, put him down for a nap, etc. I think my week of singleness showed me how much of a distraction it is to be married and have kids. I remember going to a retreat with Allan when we were dating or engaged. It was a singles retreat so the topic was about singleness and 1 Corinthians 7 and the advantages of singleness. I remember getting very upset at the speaker for saying that marriage was a distraction and if you stayed single you won’t be distracted. That made me mad, my faulty thinking didn’t know why anyone would get married then if it is just a distraction. But this week has helped clarify that retreat speaker’s point. Being a wife and mother is very distracting. My thoughts are constantly filled and consumed with tasks and responsibilities of motherhood. BUT this is not a bad thing. Before I equated distraction with bad and less righteousness. But this week has shown me that life is not about me. Sure I have responsibilities, but this week has shown me that God can take care and provide lovingly for Allan and Jakob should I die. These distractions are a privilege and a wonderful blessing of which God is using to teach me more about Him.

All of this has made me stop and take a step back and look at the big picture of my life. Part of the thing with distractions is that it is easy and a temptation to get focused and consumed with the daily circumstances, events, and responsibilities of life. So much so that my only concern and efforts is on the temporary things of life. But this week has reminded me of the big picture of life - the purpose of motherhood and my task at hand during this season of life. I was convicted that I haven’t been fearing God as I should. I have forgotten who He is and instead have been treating Him as though He was a fellow man, more of an equal, rather than my King and Sovereign Lord and Creator.

Another thing that I have read and been more aware of this week is God’s sovereignty over all details of life. His providence to orchestrate all efforts of man and events of life according to His will. And through His sovereignty He is good and wise. I have been living my life recently as though God may be in control but I was living in disbelief that He was good and wise in His providence. This week I was reminded how small I am compared to my God… and was reminded how loving, gentle, kind, wise and good He is in ALL of the details of my life. Jerry Bridges in his book Trusting God quoted a verse about how God’s ways are beyond our ability to trace them out. It reminded me of a maze when you try to trace your way out to get to the end. Eventually with enough effort you can figure out how it all works. But that is not necessarily the case with God. I have been frustrating myself by trying to trace out all of the “whys” for the different circumstances in my life. But this week I realize that I need to humble myself and trust my good and wise and loving God. I don’t need to know why or be able to trace out how all of the things in my life fit together. Instead I can rest in my good God.