What are we here for?

Funny how I seem to forget the basic things of life. How easily it is to forget the Gospel and the purpose of life here on earth. But I am beginning to think that God orchestrates change in our life to sorta shake us out of sleepy state we so easily fall into, and wake us up to the bigger picture in life.

I started to reflect on the changes occurring in my life when I stopped working fulltime a week or so before Jakob arrived. Then, I thought even more about it after Jakob arrived and the first couple weeks of being a new mother. And now, still thinking about it as motherhood slowly is starting to fall into a "routine". The first few weeks of motherhood everything was new. How I slept, how I ate, how I went on errands, how I went to church, how I interacted with friends, etc. All of the "basic" and more "involuntary" actions of life were all of a sudden new and unknown. I had to learn all over again how to opperate in daily life. I remember this same feeling after I got married. I was surprised at how "new" everything seemed... which baffled me because here I was 27 years old and I fed and dressed myself for years, so why was everything so all of a sudden new and hard? Same with becoming a mother... I am now married for 3 1/2 years, and have done laundry and cooked dinner, and cared for the home all this time... so why was everything so all of a sudden difficult?

Something I am being trained in through this most recent change in life... is how to discipline my mind daily to think on eternal things. So much of my fear and anxiety comes from unknown. The prospect and anticipation of "what if's" and the unknown of these new duties and responsibilities in my life cause more grief and trouble than the actual things themselves. I read a quote on Facebook from a friend about light and darkness. So... my circumstances are in the darkness... I squint to try and see and understand all of these new things... only to misinterpret and distort them into something they are not. But once these circumstances are not so "new" and start to become more "routine" I see them in the light for what they really are. Then I realize that my anticipation of them in the darkness distorted them and caused more grief than was really necessary.

This light and darkness contrast reminded me of 1 John. How exciting to see a truth of Scripture in a new understanding. God is light. I am in darkness when I approach life according to my own understanding and wisdom. But if I would only stop and take my circumstances into the light it would bring peace. I say I have fellowship with God - but when I keep stumbling around in the darkness I don't have fellowship with Him. So much of my fears and anxieties would be relieved if I just stopped and went into the light.

One of the things I need to see in the light is my identity and who I am and why I am here. In the darkness I am trying to find my identity in my duties and responsibilities.... and all of the passing things in this world. But when I remember my identity in Christ and defined by the Gospel, then my mind quickly goes to my God and Savior. Then I see what kind of Savior I have... a good Savior, a loving Savior... a powerful Savior... One who is in control of these passing things for my good and His glory. A Savior who doesn't give me faith to remove all doubt, but a Savior who gives me faith the size of a mustard seed, enough that is sufficient for obedience.

I really do need to train my mind with Scripture... to think upon my God and who He is. Too much of my identity is being shaped by my own understanding, squinting in the darkness with such nearsightedness all I see are the temporal things of this earthly life.

My heart does a little hip hip hooray when it realizes that it has forgotten the power and sufficiency of the Word of God in my life. How exciting it is for the power of the Word to be like a new concept in my life - after forgetting. Kinda like re-reading a book or re-watching a movie where it's been awhile and you have forgotten how it goes... and you watch it with new eagerness and excitment and say to yourself "oh yeah I forgot how great this was!". Hip hip hooray! This is the joyful parts of trials that I enjoy so much!! :)