Two Years Later....

May 1st marks the anniversary of when our family stepped off the plane and onto Philippines soil to start our new life.  It’s been two years now, with the first year being mostly about contrasts.  If the first year I was drinking in a new culture, than the second year I was reflecting on my old culture.  The comparison of the two cultures caused a battle in my mind, questioning which one was right.  But once I realized that the battle does not lie in a “mine against yours”, I saw that my battle was outside of culture itself.  In my desire to find parameters of life to guide me as I live within a culture, it revealed my need.  A need to return to Scripture alone, a need to shape my conscious on the Word, a thirst for instructions on kingdom living here and now in this fallen world.  God used three main sources for this refinement in my life; homesickness, Tagalog, and the local church

HOMESICKNESS, LONELINESS and DEPRESSION

If you scrolled through my blog posts from the past year, you would not be surprised to see that this area was an area that God has been at work in my life.  The comparison of cultures left me lonely with a desire to be known, understood and loved unconditionally.  Trying to operate an American mindset within a Filipino culture revealed my weaknesses, failures and inadequacies to do it all on my own strength and wisdom.  This struggle and trial in my life has been for good.  God used it to make me long for Him alone.  This trial gave me a hunger and thirst for the Word of God life never before.  It left me with a desperation and need of knowing Him, rather than knowing how to escape.

TAGALOG

Studying Tagalog has been another area that God has been working in my life.  If there was one feeling or emotion I had to tie to language learning it would be guilt.  Oh the guilt I had and carried over the process, method, practice and failure of learning another language.  I had so much righteousness tied up and dependent on language study.  With my righteousness coming from the discipline of reviewing vocabulary and initiating conversations with strangers, the only outcome produced is guilt.  The guilt caused me to turn to Scripture, and this trial was one of the main things that made me write my previous post on “God’s grace in the little things of life.”  Seeing my failure, sin and guilt tied up with language learning I knew God owed me nothing.  He had no reason whatsoever to be gracious to me in this area.  No reason except for His name sake.  He could have watched from the sidelines waiting for me to push through in this area, but instead He poured grace upon grace on my life by giving me a tutor who’s personality, method, understanding were perfected matched with my fears and desires in this area.  I can live here and now within this fallen world because I know my God cares for me and pursues me fiercely with grace.  God has used this struggle for good, for it has caused me to better understand (and thereby trust) His goodness and control in my life.

THE LOCAL CHURCH

The comparison of two cultures, the one I was raised in and where my mind was shaped versus the one I now live and dwell, left me desiring for a home.  A true home where other’s know and understand my convictions of how to live day to day.  And the place where I feel the most at home is the local church body we are members of here.  I love God’s design of the local church.  I love fellowship of likeminded believers.  And the thing I missed the most the first year was fellowship of the local church.  But God has been gracious and allowed us the privilege and blessing of being a part of the local church body here.  I feel most at home, normal and non-foreign when I am at church.  God has been good in allowing this struggle, as now I see that I am home with the possibility to thrive.  Understanding that my home on this earth is within the body of Christ give me hope that happiness and kingdom living is possible here and now.

So at the end of the two year mark, I wanted to say thank you for your prayers and support!  Let’s rejoice together at God’s goodness in using trials and hardships to shaper our mind and our walk in order to know Him more!