What are your hobbies?

I have always dreaded that question.  It seems to show up on questionnaires, surveys and anything biographical you fill out about yourself.  In my mind I don’t have any hobbies, or at least I didn’t think I did until recently.  To me hobbies were sewing, cross-stitching, stamp-collecting, sailing, fishing, making model ships in bottles, scrap booking, golfing – basically anything crafty, creative or sporty.  I never considered myself any of those things so I always assumed I didn’t have any hobbies.

Before marriage and kids I was too embarrassed to leave that question blank so I would normally write “going to the movies and having coffee with friends” into the white space after that question.  But now that I am married and a mother a two young boys I feel like I am off the hook for that dreaded question.  There is almost a pride to leaving that question blank now, almost a “hey look at me, I am too disciplined, focused and goal orientated to have any hobbies!”  But is that the right thinking?

A short while back I was overwhelmed, feeling aimless and unproductive as a wife and mother.  Such an odd contradicting feeling.  On one hand I felt busy, always “on-call” with no time to rest or time to myself.  But on the other hand I feel like so much time of my time was just spent “baby-sitting” and supervising that I never get anything done.  Confused by these contracting feelings, both anxiety and boredom, I concluded that I was aimless and needed to do more and try harder.  So I contacted a handful of my friends who I respect and look up to in their role as homemakers and I asked them for help.  Here is what one friend told me:

Why is it exactly that you feel the need to add more, do more, be more? You say, ‘for my own sake.’ Why? Why is it that your days seem aimless? Are they really aimless? Do the boys appear aimless, or does the aimless feeling originate in your heart? What do you expect a day with a 3 and 1 year old to look like? Does that line up with God’s expectation? When you say you want to be proactive, what is your underlying reason? Because it will make you a better Christian, wife, mother? Or because the world makes you feel guilty for not living up to its expectations? I ask these questions because … such questions … helped me to gain clarity into this whole mothering business. This CHRISTIAN mothering business… (Which does not resemble the mothering requirements of this world). Remember, ‘man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’…If your mind is wandering and you feel unhappy with the state of things at home, then by all means, find a hobby to enrich your time and expand your mind…The mother of small children will never have large swaths of time to do anything. Be OK with that. There are lots of women with childless arms who will give anything to be in your place.

This really made me think about the time I considered “aimless” and rethink my understanding of a hobby.

Here are a couple definitions for the word hobby:

(1) an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation;

(2) a subordinate occupation pursued in addition to one's vocation especially for enjoyment (synonym avocation)

If a hobby is the activity that is pursued during the times I was not actively engaged in my vocation, then that means I already had hobbies whether I recognized them or not.  By definition my hobbies were: checking Facebook, watching television series on my Kindle, sulking in my self-pity, eating chocolate, drinking coffee, reading blogs and googling my fears and aliments.  Not exactly all hobbies to be proud of and list on a biographical page about myself.  Although this new understanding encouraged me!  I didn’t have to feel aimless and fight the paradox of anxiety and boredom. 

But this also left me with questions.  Are all hobbies created equal?  How do I evaluate if I hobby is edifying or not?  Oddly enough, the book by Tony Reinke titled Lit helped me.  That book is “a theology for reading and practical suggestions for reading widely, reading well, and for making it all worthwhile.”  One of the things he does in that book is answer the question of not having enough time to read.  His answer was surprising.

Having trouble finding reading time?  It may be that you need to read more books.  Seriously.  A curious thing happened in my own life.  I discovered that when I began reading three books at a time, I found more time to read.  Why?  It’s pretty simple, actually.  I found that different times in my day allowed me to read different types of books. 

I enjoy reading historical novels, but I don’t read a historical novel right after I roll out of bed in the morning.  I enjoy reading long epics like Lord of the Rings, but I can’t get into an epic while traveling. 

Different genres are suited for different times, and having three books from different genres gives me greater flexibility in capturing fragments of time throughout the day.  One the other hand, reading only one book makes it harder to find time to read, because it restricts the number of contexts.

Perhaps this was true for hobbies too?  My excuse was that I didn’t have enough time for a hobby.  Sure I have pockets of time all throughout my day, but my time didn’t come in the form I expected or desired.  Obviously as a wife and mother of two young children the hobbies I can choose from are limited.  I probably won’t pick up sailing or creating delicate intricate ships in bottles, but I can make better use of my time.

And this also made me think that my hobbies don’t have to be completely opposite of my regular vocation.  Instead I could pick hobbies that help enhance my life as a homemaker and make it more enjoyable.  For example, if I enjoyed painting then I could paint pictures and hang them in our house to make our home more inviting and relaxing.  As wife and mother my job to provide food for the family.  Cooking day after day can easily become taxing.  But when my hobby is learning to bake without eggs so that my son with multiple allergies can enjoy the taste of bread pudding, cakes and pies, all of a sudden my hobby enhances and makes my regular calling more enjoyable!

Understanding all of this also helps me differentiate between the essentials and the guilt to do more and try harder.  What are the essentials as a homemaker?  Feed and clothe my children.  Make sure there is enough clean laundry.  Provide food for my husband to eat.  Sure a whole lot more can be argued as essential, but the point is that the list is not overwhelming like I once assumed. 

Here is a list of potential hobbies I have brain stormed:

·      Grow fresh herbs – lately I have been using a lot more fresh herbs in my cooking.  Why don’t I learn how to plant and grow my own herbs?   The end product will be useful, and fresh herbs always makes trying a new recipe more fun.  And the process can teach me patience and provide a beautiful illustration of the Vine and the branches (from John 15).

·      Science of baking – as I begin to learn how to substitute different ingredients to make meals for my son with multiple allergies, why don’t I study and learn the science behind it all and find out the different properties and functions of an egg?  Eggs are used to bind, thicken and leaven a recipe, perhaps I can learn each function so I can bake and cook more easily for my son?

·      Biblical counseling – I enjoy counseling and I have been blessed with learning biblical counseling from The Master’s College.  Why don’t I find ways to be a better steward of the information entrusted to me?  I enjoy writing so how about write a book?  Or create counseling homework for various issues that I could use in the future?  Just a couple topics I have already thought about studying about have been PMS and loneliness.

·      Piles of stones – I really enjoy the accountability journaling provides when I am going through a particular trial.  The ability to capture and record the exact Bible verses God uses to teach me and change my thinking becomes invaluable and something I don’t want to forget.  So how about taking a more active approach and record the things I am learning in a specific trial.  Then afterwards I would have a tangible thing I can use to comfort others with the comfort I have received from Christ (2 Corinthians 1).  As well as a reminder for me to praise, worship and thank God for His work in my life.  And a measurement to measure my growth and change when my own understanding and sight is limited while in the midst of a trial.

·      Kind things for my husband – this past Valentine’s Day was the most memorable and enjoyable Valentine’s Day I have ever had!  Usually Valentine’s is a day managing and fighting my discontent and unmet expectations.  But this year I decided instead of waiting around and creating unfair expectations for my husband, how about I plan something instead?  I did some research and found a wonderful blog full of fun and helpful tips.  (The Dating Divas).  From that blog I did several of their recommendations.  Now, doing nice things for my husband didn’t feel like a chore but rather something enjoyable and made serving him exciting, fun and new.

But how about you?  What are your hobbies?