The Misery and Mercy of Raising Support

There have been a small handful of trials in my life that God has really used to refine me and teach me more about Himself.  One of those trials has been raising support to become a missionary.  I have been hesitant to blog about what I have been learning from support raising, for a variety of reasons.  But God has been graciously teaching me so much that I wanted to record the precious truths I have learned so far so I wouldn’t forget them and so that I can look back on them and praise God for His work through this trial.

For those of you who know us, we are raising support to go to the Philippines as missionaries.  A natural reaction after hearing such a statement is “what does raising support mean?”  A good friend and former missionary explained in more detail what it exactly entails to raise support:

For many missionaries, one of the hardest and most embarrassing parts of being on the field is raising support.  It’s a lot different than others in full-time ministry because missionaries have to ask and sometimes plead with their close friends for money.  And this isn’t like asking you to help pay for lunch because he’s short a couple bucks.  No, no.  This is asking friends for money to pay the rent, to get their kids into school, to pay for gas,…to buy food.  Yes, missionaries, like you, receive a salary.  But imagine going to work everyday to do your job.  Then, when you clock out and the rest of the world traditionally gets to play or rest, you have to send emails, write newsletters, meet friends and family, and even drive across the country for dozens of meetings with strangers to convince people not only that you are doing your job well, but that they should sacrifice money out of their own pockets and send it to your company so that your boss can afford to pay you.  This is what missionaries have to deal with every day. (Read the entire article here.)

Before we started I had heard that raising support was hard, but I didn’t know exactly what that meant.  I assumed it meant mainly long hours contacting churches and big road trips traveling from church to church – basically the physical actions.  But like many of our assumptions and expectations it has been hard in entirely different ways.  Let me see if I can list some of those things.

Since raising support the difficulties I have faced include:

·      Realizing that I fail to help my husband, as his God-given helpmate and instead of helping my husband I “rule over” and nag him, insisting on doing it “my way” and judging him when he doesn’t meet my expectations.

·      Playing over and over in my head the “if only’s….” of how support raising would be easier if only we had more outgoing personalities, were more wired with a marketing mindset, and had learned earlier the basics of marriage.

·      Paralyzed by the “what if’s…” of all my fears, anxieties and worries in support raising.  What if we never raise all our funds?

But after looking at these difficulties all listed out I realized that these are common struggles in life: failed expectations, desire to rule over your husband, playing the “if only?” game, and allowing the “what if’s” to trap and paralyze your thoughts onto all your fears.  Raising support is hard, but life is hard. 

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man…” 1 Corinthians 10:13a

Each of us can write out an explanation and argue why our circumstances are more difficult and trying than our neighbor’s.  And although each of our circumstances are unique, our struggles with trying to live the Christian life are not.

“…God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”  1 Corinthians 10:13b

So in the midst of my trial of raising support how has God been faithful to me?  In what ways has He provided a way out so that I can endure and choose obedience rather than give into my temptation?  In the midst of the misery of sin I have learned that God’s mercy is always near! 

Sin is miserable.  In my trial I have been affected by various aspects of sin.  One, the sin of living in a cursed and fallen world affects my marriage and my desire to rule over my husband rather than be a helper.  Two, the sin of others affects some of the choices we have made, leading to some of the current situations we are in.  Three, our own sin reveals our failures and all of the things we should have, could have and would have done differently.  When you are lost in the misery of sin you begin to look inward and doubt and disbelief take over.  Sometimes in such a state even the mere thought of God increases your misery.

But did you know that the misery of sin is not new?!  There are countless accounts and testimonies recorded in Scripture of people crying out to God over the misery of sin in their lives.  Reading such accounts gave me hope.  It reminded me of the truth from 1 Corinthians 10:13 and the faithfulness of God to enable me to endure trials.  And it reminded me of my need for the mercy of God.

“I cry aloud to God,
    aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
    in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
    my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
    when I meditate, my spirit faints.

You hold my eyelids open;
    I am so troubled that I cannot speak.”  Psalm 77:1-4

“My soul is bereft of peace;
    I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, ‘My endurance has perished;
    so has my hope from the Lord.’

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.”  Lamentations 3:17-20

“But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul,
    ‘therefore I will hope in him.’

 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.”  Lamentations 3:21-25

So even though the trial of raising support has revealed the misery of sin on more levels than I ever expected, it has revealed the mercy of God ten times more!  When I am at the point of arguing “but… but…. but…. I failed!  We could have done better!.... but…but… if only we were disciplined enough back then…. if only…but…but…. we should have learned the basics of the Christian faith long ago….the misery of our sin is our own fault.”  It is at that point that I am completely helpless, my endurance has perished, my hope is gone, and my soul is bowed down and refuses to be comforted.  It is then that the mercies of God and the steadfast love of the Lord are the brightest!  If righteousness were through efforts of my own flesh then Christ died in vain!

Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine. (“Jesus I My Cross Have Taken”)