What are your anxiety triggers?

What are your anxiety triggers?

Mine are plentiful.  The feeling of starting the day behind and playing catchup - constantly reacting rather than proacting to my day.  Endless days of sweats and ponytails, which seemingly scream that I don't have enough time for myself.  And an excessive whiny and needy child - just to name a few.  When I follow down this path I choose, most surely anxiety, worry, depression and guilt will follow.  I have traveled this path often and I know its every curve, pothole and rut.

When I travel this path I am not alone, my husband and kids are there with me.  My anxiety exasperates my kids.  My worry nags my husband.  And my depression and guilt robs my household of joy.

Once I recognize that I am on this wrong path, rather than turning around, I try to run faster to get out.  The faster I run the more guilt is compounded.  I wrongly assume I am on this path because of the triggers that sent me here.  "If only I can fix the triggers then I will stop traveling down this path," is the mantra I chant to myself.  I try so hard too.  "I should have.... I could have.... if only...."  I play this game of comparison, covetness and envy for each of my triggers.  Ironically the more I try to fix my circumstances the more my guilt is compounded.  I may have little victories in various areas, but ultimately I am fail and am unable to control my circumstances..  In the end I sulk in self pity because I am not all knowing, sovereign and powerful.  I am the picture of Jeremiah 17:5-6:

Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
    and makes flesh his strength,
    whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
    and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
    in an uninhabited salt land."

But there is another way.  If I truly stop to observe, when I first encounter my anxiety triggers there is another path I could have chosen.  The path of the Word of God.  Jeremiah 17: 7-8 continues in contrast:

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
    whose trust is the Lord. 
 He is like a tree planted by water,
    that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
    for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

The determining factor of which road I end up on is not the result on learning to control my triggers, but rather it lies in trusting God.  Can I really trust God that He is good in allowing the sleep techniques of my friend to work with her son and not mine?  Can I really trust God that He is wise in allowing health measures to "cure" the allergies of her son but not my own son?  

When I answer "No, I cannot trust that God," I end up running running down the path and chasing my guilt.  But when I answer "Yes, I choose to trust God," then I am freed from my circumstances and they can no longer affect my joy.

But I am sobered and realize my weakness, therefore I need road signs to help direct which road to choose, to help remind me of the folly of my ways and renew my mind of the greatness of my God.  One such sign is Ecclesiastes 7:13:

Consider the work of God:
    who can make straight what he has made crooked?

This verse is written out on a small note card and tapped inside the cabinet where my son's epi-pen, benadryl and emergency instructions are located in time of an allergic reaction.

I am forgetful and am no better than the Israelites.  Psalm 106 describes their forgetfulness

Our fathers, when they were in Egypt,
    did not consider your wondrous works;
they did not remember the abundance of your steadfast love,
    but rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea. 

But they soon forgot his works;
    they did not wait for his counsel.

They exchanged the glory of God
    for the image of an ox that eats grass.
They forgot God, their Savior,
    who had done great things in Egypt,
Then they despised the pleasant land,
    having no faith in his promise.

They murmured in their tents,
    and did not obey the voice of the Lord.

Nevertheless, he looked upon their distress,
    when he heard their cry. 
 For their sake he remembered his covenant,
    and relented according to the abundance of his steadfast love.  

I am confident that when I trust in my God I will be able to declare with the psalmist:

But for me it is good to be near God;
    I have made the Lord God my refuge,
    that I may tell of all your works.  (Psalm 73:28)