6th Anniversary Vacation

Allan and I just got back from a short vacation celebrating our 6 year anniversary.  The boys went to my in-laws for the long weekend and will return shortly.  As I unpack from our trip and plan for the week ahead, I thought I would take the opportunity to reflect a little from our trip.

Leading up to this trip Allan and I realized we were in danger of becoming more like roommates instead of spouses, companions and lovers.  I was amazed at how quickly after having kids marriage seems like it takes a lot more work than it did before.  Before kids I seemed to have enough hours in my day to have “me time” with enough left over to have “hubby time”.  But after kids most of my hours seemed to be filled with “kid time”, which at the end of my day I am tired and longing for a little “me time.”  The kids finally get to sleep and I have just a couple hours before I myself have to get to sleep.  So I race against the clock trying to get in my “me time” before my eyelids get to heavy.

And this is the cycle that slowly creped into our marriage.  I had no idea it was sneaking in because I was too busying trying to calculate and plan my “me time”.  And slowly Allan became my roommate.

So the timing of our vacation was a wonderful blessing!  Something Allan and I try to do each anniversary is have a S.W.O.T. analysis.  We sit down over a meal or coffee and evaluate the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats to our marriage.  And then we make resolutions based on what we discuss.

One of my weaknesses and threats to our marriage is my influence on Allan during this support-raising phase of becoming a missionary.  I have been foolish and selfish, assuming that support raising was solely something Allan had to find time to do.  Sure I saw how I could help a little.  But overall I thought it was something he had to do. I was reflecting one day thinking “Gee it would be nice if Allan had someone to help him in his support raising process.”  Then shortly after that thought I picked up the book Helper by Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick.  I was humbled to realize “oh God already gave Allan a helper, it’s me!”

As I seek to be a better helper to my husband’s goals, desires, responsibilities and duties I realize that I have to put “Allan time” before “me time”.  And my desire for “me time” was really more of distortion of trying to seek refuge, rest, refreshment, and strength from my desires of this world.  Trying to be satisfied from things other than Christ, which is futile and toilsome.

So my resolutions are:

…learning to prioritize the important over the urgent

AND

…learning to submit my mind to Christ so that the “if only’s…” of yesterday and the “what if’s…” of tomorrow do not tempt my mind to wander from the blessings of today.

I do not know how these resolutions will play out.  But I am excited at what lies ahead.  I do know that the motivation to my resolutions lies within the pages of God’s Word and I plan to start my seeking there.