Loneliness, Homesickness and Compassion

Loneliness and homesickness are interesting things.  I hesitate to call it homesickness because the term itself might cause undue alarm in my loved ones reading this back home.  But I use the term in its most basic form as the simple act of missing home.  It is funny how things can have a pull over your heart in the oddest times.  Before moving overseas and away from everything familiar I only really knew homesickness in the context of dictionaries and definitions.  I had yet to experience it myself.  Intellectually, it seemed only normal that I would experience it in some form, but I was curious exactly what it looked like.  When someone has a sickness for “home” does that mean they are curled up in ball, full of tears and without an appetite?  When the waves of homesickness hits is it so blinding that you cannot experience the beauty of a flower or the melody of a song?  Or can it be more like waves that come and then pass?  For me, it was really helpful that a friend told me before I moved, “loneliness and homesickness are common and a normal part of the adjustment and transition of when you move away from your home and loved ones, thus it is not something you need to fight and struggle but rather a normal process of change that you must go through.  The difference is you don’t have to be totally miserable when you are passing through that valley.”

At face value the advice of my friend seemed like common sense.  But as the waves of homesickness washed over me my initial reaction was to fight the feeling itself.  That the mere presence of the feeling was wrong in some way.  That if only I was more spiritual and “godly” then I would be spared from this feeling.  But I was reminded of my friend’s advice when I came across this testimony of a woman who experienced depression (one extreme form of loneliness) from Robert Somerville’s book If I am a Christian then Why am I Depressed?:

One of the benefits of being off of antidepressants is that I feel emotions, both lows and highs, that I am supposed to feel. I now see them as “normal” rather than something that needs to be medicated. I continue with daily focused Bible reading, participate in Bible studies as well as a worship service each week, and I am usually reading at least one book by a biblically sound author all the time.

I have indeed experienced the feelings of loneliness and homesickness. And for me happiness and loneliness are not mutually exclusive feelings.  I can experience the joy of a song and the beauty of a sunset while at the same time have a longing for home.  Homesickness isn’t misery in current location, but rather a desire to be known, understood and loved unconditionally.

BUT… as a daughter of the King and a sheep of the Good Shepherd, I am never alone!  My Savior who cannot fail or act unfaithfully has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.  So although the feelings themselves might be strong and ever so persuasive, their accusations that I am alone and unknown are wrong and I must choose to believe in the Words of my Savior over the tugs of my heart.

But easier said than done, right?  Intellectually I can give you the right answer that God is abundant in compassion and unwavering in His lovingkindness, but it is not a firm conviction of my heart.  For in order for those truths to be a firm conviction my heart needs to be anchored and held firm with the Word of God.  In order to more quickly drop my anchor in the midst of the waves of loneliness (so as to not be tossed to and fro), I need to know my God and Savior better.  And the only way to know my God better is to be washed and saturated with His Truth.

Why in the midst of loneliness do I hesitate to turn to my God first?  Why do dear friends and family bring me more comfort than my own Savior?  For me, I failed to understand how God gives His compassion and love.  Best friends and our own mothers will never withhold an embrace when we are overcome with emotions.  And I wrongly believed that my God attached stipulations and qualifications to His mercy.  Thus I believed I could receive compassion from dear friends more immediately and in more abundance than I could from my own Savior.  But that is wrong, God’s compassion and mercy towards His children is incomparable to that of man!  But don’t take my word for it, I will let God speak for Himself why He is better than your best friend and why He pursues you like a lion in order to comfort you better than the tightest embrace from your own mother.

“The Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there.” Genesis 43:30

The text says that Joseph had compassion for his brother, so much so that he was moved to tears.  This is an emotion of two brothers we can easily identify with.  But another universal emotion we can identify with is a mother’s compassion towards her son.

“Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, ‘Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.’ But the other said, ‘He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.’” 1 Kings 3:26

The two highlighted words in the above verses are the same word in Hebrew, “racham.”  This word is translated in various ways into English depending on the context and usage: abundant mercy, tender mercy, compassion and bowels (which is the seat of the emotions of the mind, hence very tender affection.)  The Webster English Dictionary defines compassion as:

Compassion = a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

This is the comfort I am seeking in my loneliness, an understanding that I am understood, known and sought after in my distress.  “Racha” in the above verses are examples when it is applied to man.  But what if you use that same word to describe God?  Here are some verses using that the same word but applied to God:

“Then David said to Gad, ‘I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but let me not fall into the hand of man.’” 2 Samuel 24:14

How about the picture of God pursuing His people, Israel, in their unfaithfulness for the only reason to make His Name known that He is faithful and has an abundance of steadfast love?

“But after they had rest they did evil again before you, and you abandoned them to the hand of their enemies, so that they had dominion over them. Yet when they turned and cried to you, you heard from heaven, and many times you delivered them according to your mercies…Nevertheless, in your great mercies you did not make an end of them or forsake them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.”

 Nehemiah 9:28, 31  

“I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” Isaiah 63:7

God’s compassion is tender, He is easily moved to sympathy.  And His compassion is abundant, He is richly supplied, more than adequate and oversufficiently able to dispense mercy in Your time of need.  Still need convincing?

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

God’s supply never runs out.  These verses in Lamentations are given in the context of a disobedient unfaithful Israel.  They had failed and rebelled against their God, for their current circumstances and suffering was a result of their sin.  YET God aggressively and actively pursued them with his steadfast love and mercies.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me (shall pursue me like a lion pursues his prey!) all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:6

God is also pictured as the groom wedded to a prostitute and that prostitute is Israel.  God’s love tolerates no revivals and for that He will pursue you according to His faithfulness, steadfast love and abundant mercy!

“And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.  I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.” Hosea 2:19-20

Do you know see and know your God more clearly now?  The very emotion and thing I seek after (“racham” in Hebrew), is limited and fails even when my dearest friend or own mother try to dispense.  Friends and family are wonderful blessings, but let their compassion for you be a picture and a longing towards the purest and perfect form which is found in God alone.  I am known, understood and loved fiercely by my Savior whose tender affection and compassion are new every morning and who pursues me in order that I may know the Lord.  Do you know my Lord?