Tagalog = Righteousness

I have a new Tagalog tutor.  He is about 5'5", black hair, mysterious dark eyes, and a man of few words.  He said he'd like to be called "Teacher Allan".  He actually pursued me on his own.  I was quite excited at his proposition, as I have secretly been wanting him as my teacher for awhile now.  He had one situplation though, teaching would commence after first submitting a 5-paged, double-spaced, typed paper about "How the gospel applies to language learning."

"You don't have a poker face.  And it is obvious that learning Tagalog is a burden to you.  Some people can motivate themselves with the wrong motivation, a bootstraps type motivation, but you can't.  If you don't have the proper gospel power and motivation you are smothered by pressures and expectations you put on yourself.  But that is a good thing.  It means you are needy and there there is nothing good in yourself.  Write the paper first, then classes will commence."

Ha ha.  My husband always has a funny way of encouraging me by telling me how sinful and hopeless I am.  :)

I thought this was a trick question.  Because in one regard you do not need the gospel to learn a language.  People all over the world study and learn languages and they are not saved.  So my answer would be no.  No the gospel does not apply to language learning.

But then that would be too easy right?  Why assign a 5-paged paper if the answer is simply no.  Okay, so that must mean the answer is yes?  So yes, you need to know the gospel in order to learn the a language in a way that would honor God.  Hmmm.... I am not fully convinced on that answer either.  Instead let's start with my problem and wrong thinking.

THOUGHTS:
1.  God will use me more if I know Tagalog.
2.  Learning Tagalog is a measuring stick of my success or failure in ministry here in the Philippines.
3.  God needs me to learn Tagalog.
4.  God's agenda and expectations are for me to be fluent.
5.  God is not fair, if He really wanted me to excel in language learning He would have given me a different personality and strengths more conduscive to the process.

I know these 5 points are false.  I can easily tell you they are not true.  God does not need me.  He can use the very rocks to cry out about His glory (Luke 19:40).  And I know that God does not measure me by my ability to pass a language test (Micah 6:6-8).  God's will is for me is my sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3).  But these are the axims that I have embraced and put my belief in.  Therefore lack of success reveals my failure.  I don't like failure.

Tagalog is a tool.  Therefore it is neutral.  There is no inherient goodness or sinfulness in Tagalog.  It is a tool people use to reach a goal.  People need things and the Tagalog language is one means of fulfilling those needs.  But this tool is revealing my inadequaices.

It is revealing:
my draw to self-righteousness, 
my fear of man,
my humanity,
my lack of strength,
my love of comfort.

It is not comfortable having all that exposed.  I have placed worth in the tool.  I have placed righteousness in Tagalog. And my tool is failing me, thus misery results. This needs to change.  My worth needs to be found in knowing my God.  My righteousness must be found in Christ alone.  My humanity and lack of strength needs to keep me humble and clinging to my Savior.  Because without these things I am lost like a sheep without a shepherd.

But what if.... just what if....

"7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

So what if I attempt this language learning thing and give it an adequat shot but in the end I never learn?  My biggest fear.  Will it be for nothing?  Will it be in vain? NO.  Not if the process teaches me perseverence and endurance.  Teaching me patience while working towards an end goal.  Teaching me humility and prayfulness, clinging to my God for help.  Teaching me how to examine myself and stir up correct biblical motivation to remain under the language learning process.

So perhaps there is righteousness in Tagalog after all!  The refining work of making me cling to my Savior.  The humility revealing there is no good in me and instead highlighting the beauty of my God. The neediness and "thorn in my flesh" that brings me to the throne of grace each day, to help me go another day.   

"8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Pray for me.