Relationships. When I realized I wanted to write about relationships it actually got me excited! Remember those other posts I recently started in the series attributes I admire from the Filipino culture? Well one of the things I have always admired and wanted to write about (but never got around to it yet) was the warmth of people. I never wrote about it because I couldn't quite figure out or explain what it was that made the people warm. But my language classes these last two months has shown me how some of the warmth is communicated.
The warmth of the people was actually one of the things that calmed my heart when I would get anxious in anticipation of moving to another country. I wasn't exactly willing to move to any country with my husband. But I could follow him to the Philippines. Why? Because my interaction and friendship with Filipinos back in the States were some the warmest and friendliest relationships. And if I had to move to another part of the globe and live among strangers, there was comfort that I was going to live among friendly and warm people! Plus, its one of the attributes that I hope will rub off on me the most.
Okay, ready? Let's go to class! "Punta tayo sa clase!"
Lesson 1 - Kami or Tayo?
One of the islands that Allan has had the privledge to teach at is Boracay. If you are Filipino or have an understanding of some of the various islands here, an image probably quickly pops into your mind and a mood washes over your body. "ooooh!!! Boracay!" In case you still don't understand, I just googled the word "Boracay" and here is the first picture that came up in my search.
Well the other month, I had just put the kids to bed and I came to join Allan on the couch. He was working on his computer. I asked him, "hey, what are you doing?" To which he replied, "just finished buying tickets." Tickets? I wondered, so I asked him, "where to?" And he replied so non-chaulantly, "oh Boracay, we're going to Boracay next week." Oh my eyes got real wide and I sat straight up, grabbed his shoulders and exclaimed, "We are!?!" To which he quickly popped my bubble and said "We kami. Not we tayo."
One nuance and variation Tagalog has from English is their pronoun "we". Basically, they have two words for "we". "We - Kami" which excludes the hearer from the action, versus "We - Tayo" which includes the hearer from the action.
Lesson 2 - Get Out of Our House!
Imagine a typical American household setting. Dad is in the kitchen with his rebellious teenage son. He is mad and fed up at the disobedience of his son so he yells, "Get out of MY house!" My language tutor actually used such an illustration in one of my tutor sessions to explain that in Tagalog when you refer to your house you never use the first person singular pronoun, instead you always use equivalent of the first person plural pronoun. The house, even if Daddy pays all of the bills, is never referred to as "my house" but instead always "our house".
Lesson 3 - Do not say, "Hi, how are ya?"
One of the first phrases I ever learned was "kumusta ka?" Which means "How are you?" And sure enough that phrase came up in the first lesson in my language class. But as soon as it came up my tutor qualified when and how to use it. Here is what my Tagalog book says about the phrase, "kumusta ka":
This phrase is not used as commonly as English speakers would use "how are you?" You would not say "kumusta ka?" to someone you see every day. You would use it when meeting someone for the first time or when you meet a friend not seeing him for some time.
Okay. So what do you say?
Actually, Filipinos do not use verbal greetings very much with those they see almost every day. A smile and a pleasant expression is the greeting, perhaps also calling out the person's name; other than that one goes directly into small talk, usually picking up on whatever they last were discussing with the other person.
My tutor explained that I would sound cold and distant if I over used "kumusta ka" in the same way I use "How are you?" in English. Instead by going directly into small talk you show that you have accepted that person into your "circle", so to speak. So I started to observe and I noticed that by not saying "hi how are you?" I was forced to observe, think and say something specific and personal to the person I was addressing. This takes a lot more work but sure communicates more warmth.
Let's Review...
Okay class, so what did we learn from these three lessons today? The use of deliberating including the hearer of the conversation into my speech it communicates warmth and a circle of friendship. And how I greet another person reveals that I have to be intentional, observant and personal.
Studying Tagalog these past two months has revealed a lot of my fears. I knew learning a language was going to be hard but I assumed it was going to be hard because it would take a lot of time and effort memorizing vocabulary. What I didn't realize was that it was going to be hard learning how to think and view life differently. So I might not be able to impress you yet with my amazing ability to to carry on a conversation, but I have learned a very valuable lesson!
Don't forget to come to our next class where we learn how the language gives insight into the history of a culture!
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