Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Confessions of a to do list lover

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This morning the first thought that came to mind after I woke up and began reviewing the day ahead of me was, “I need lists!”  I was eager for my first free moment so I could search Pinterest for lists, charts and schedules.  Excitement and anticipation filled me up as I pondered what great things I could accomplish today by pursuing such an activity.  Specifically, I wanted to find a chore chart and a potty training chart.  If I found the perfect charts then that would reflect on what an organized and disciplined mother I am and prove that I am a good manager of our home.  If only a beautiful to-do list and schedule were on my wall, then others would see and know that I have it all under control, that I am efficient, focused and purposeful.  Those were the earliest thoughts of my day and source of my motivation to get out of bed.
But ironically, and providentially, one of the things I found during my search for the perfect chart was a link to an article written by a mom called “Confessions of a Chore Chart Dropout.”  I quickly read through the article and thought, “it’s possible to a faithful mom without a pretty chore chart?”  Such a thought stopped me in my pursuits and made me reflect and begin to think, “Why do I love charts, lists and schedules so much?  Why do they make me feel better about myself and ease my conscience?”  Then I realized that the sermon I heard on Sunday was applicable to me at this very moment.
The sermon was given by Bruce A. Ware at Community Bible Church in Vallejo, on Isaiah 6:1-13 titled Beholding the God of Merciful Holiness.  He restated a principle made by A.W. Tozer in his book Knowledge of the Holy, and it was this:
God has so made us that we instinctively, naturally, seek to become like whatever it is we esteem most highly.  More simply: we become like what we love (Ps 115:8; 135:18; Hos 9:10)
The depths of my heart are oh so often drawn to the idol of control and autonomy.  I seek to obtain all knowledge so I don’t have to depend on others and therefore can then be self-sufficient.  But such a pursuit is burdensome and wearisome because I am a sinner and I constantly fall short.  I think that is why lists and charts and schedules appeal to me so much, I can adjust the standard according to my situation and circumstances and therefore feel good when I am able to meet my goals.
But Bruce Ware preached that in order to know God we must first understand God’s transcendence before we understand His immanence.
Transcendence = Surpassing others; preeminent or supreme; completely other and self-sufficient
Immanence = nearness; remaining within; indwelling
Bruce continued…when Isaiah saw the Lord his response was “Woe is me!” (Isaiah 6:5)  He was able to clearly see his own sin because he saw the transcendence of God!  This vision appeared to Isaiah in the year that King Uzziah died.  King Uzziah was a good king of Judah, but he was struck with leprosy and died in shame.  Why?  Because he tried to perform priestly duties.  God had clear instructions, priests were to come from the line of Levi and kings were to come from the line of Judah.  King Uzziah disobedied God’s clear instruction in His Word and mixed the two. 
So this vision from Isaiah occurred at a time of great uncertainty.  Who would become king now?  And what did Isaiah see during this time of great uncertainty?  He saw a vision of a king inside the temple!  A king in the temple, isn’t that exact sin that Uzziah paid great consequences for?  How could a king perform priestly duties?  Only one person is transcendent and holy to fulfill such a vision, the great King Priest, the Lord Jesus Christ!
            I don’t have time to summarize the whole sermon (but you can listen to it here if you'd like).  But one of his main premises was this, “how do you persevere and carry out difficult ministry in a time of uncertainty?”  Answer, “willing and persevering service flows out of knowledge of God.”
            Training toddlers in using the potty correctly and consistently is difficult.  And it is common knowledge that it takes perseverance to instruct toddlers how to be faithful in common every day tasks, such as getting dressed, eating their veggies and cleaning up after themselves. But in this difficult season of motherhood with uncertainty if your daily efforts will accomplish your goals how do you persevere?  Isaiah 6 teaches that knowledge of God is the key.
            So if it is true that we become like what we pursue.  Then my pursuit of oversimplifying impossible tasks into measurable standards I can control (and always meet) reveals my love of self-righteousness and self-sufficiency.  Instead I need to turn and know my God!  He is not obligated to help me in my time of need nor am I entitled to His grace, goodness and forgiveness.  But not only is He the initiator of mercy, but His goal in showing mercy is to restore my relationship to Him and call me to usefulness and service! 
What will help me persevere through potty training and the toddler years?  Fancy lists, charts and schedules?  (Sure maybe to some extent, but they are merely a tool.)  But intimate knowledge of His forgiveness for when I fail…and knowledge of His providence over each accident…and knowledge that our actions cannot quench His steadfast love and unending mercy towards His children.  Yes!  That is the knowledge that will help me persevere through these difficult and uncertain years – knowledge that my God and Savior is transcendent to my own failures and also immanent in mercy.

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