Motherhood has been wearisome lately for me. And in my weariness I have thought up
things that I assume would make motherhood easier. Here are just some of those “if only” items on my mental
list.
“If only ____________________ then motherhood wouldn’t be so
wearisome.”
·
I had a set schedule that the boys stayed on
almost 95% of the time.
·
I did a creative craft with them everyday
(appropriate to their age level of course)
·
I had regular outdoor time each day that was new
and different from the day before, an adventure waiting to happen!
·
Boys obediently and willingly went down for
every nap, rest and bedtime.
·
I did an extended ongoing activity that rotated
with each season or holiday.
·
The boys eagerly sat for reading time every day.
·
I read chapter books to the boys every day.
·
The boys had self-play time and would quietly
play in an enclosed area for an hour each day.
·
We regularly would have Bible time every day and
each day would be exciting and creative, just like they were at Vacation Bible
School all of the time.
·
We regularly go to story time at the public
library and the boys would love it.
·
We would make homemade crafts for Daddy to
express our love for him and show him how happy we were at home everyday when
he is at work.
·
We would have an educational time each day and
learn new things – perhaps even learn a language together!
·
The temptation to watch tv all day or be lazy
would be non-existent because for both myself or my boys because of all of the
wonderful exciting things happening in our home.
All of the things on this list are not necessarily bad. And I think that is part of the
deception in my mind and why I have justified it as okay to pursue these things
in and of themselves. In my twisted
mind I think that IF I were able to accomplish these things then motherhood
would be easier.
But why would it be easier? Because, I think, if all of these things happened then my
boys wouldn’t whine or complain.
They would be obedient and happy all of the time. Then I wouldn’t have wandering thoughts
or temptations to selfishness. And
then I would have more time to devote to myself, write more, read more,
decorate the house, cook creatively, etc.
If I could only try harder and do more in motherhood then it would be
easier, happier and free of struggles.
Right?
I was reading “The Big Picture Story Bible” by David Helm
with my son recently. Part of it
caught my attention, and it comes from Genesis 3 and the curse on mankind.
God
drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden because they disobeyed him and
rejected him as king. And
everything God had warned them about disobeying his word came true. Adam and Eve were now separated from
God and began having difficulty with each other. Raising children was
hard. Finding food was even
harder. And their coming death was
now beginning to make their bodies grow older. Life outside the garden was terrible. Now Adam and Eve ruled
the world in evil ways. And they
had children who did just the same.
Their children, and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all turned away
from God. Outside the garden
everyone doubted how good God was.
Outside the garden everyone disobeyed God’s word. Outside the garden everyone ruled the
world in evil ways.
Could part of my hardship and weariness in motherhood come
from the curse? Was I believing a
lie that “if only….” I could try harder and do more then raising my boys
wouldn’t be so hard? Could it be
that my struggle isn’t at all with the things of this world; crafts, reading
books, outdoor activities, orderly structure, etc…. but instead against the
spiritual forces of evil?
Ephesians 6:10-12 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the
strength of his might. Put on the
whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the
devil. For we do not wrestle
against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
It is true! We
live in a fallen and cursed world.
The Prince of this World is the father of lies and deception. He wants me to believe that my problem
lies within completing my “if only” list.
He wants me to believe that my problem lies outside of myself.
In seeking after these “if onlys” I have forgotten the power
of God’s Word. I have forgotten
the sufficiency of God’s Word. I
have forgotten my need for God’s Word.
I have doubted God’s compassion, intentional care and guidance in my
life.
If God’s Word truly is sufficient for everything in life and
godliness (2 Peter 1:3) then the following statements must be true in the midst
of weariness of motherhood:
“I
sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm
34:4
“The
Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
“Fear
not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen
you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah
41:10
“You
shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God had led you these forty
years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was
in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger
and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your father know, that
he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by
every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 8:2-3
“Contentment
is a by-product of distress. It comes when you experience the sustaining power
of Christ when you simply have run out of steam.” (Anxious for Nothing by John
MacArthur)
Motherhood has made me weary. I have been in distress, great mental anxiety. But this is good news! For it is only when I run out of steam
will I realize that I do not live by bread alone. My struggle is not with flesh and blood. I live by every word that comes out of
the mouth of the Lord! And praise
be to God that His Word is sufficient for me!
“Before I was
afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn
your statutes.” Psalm 119:67, 71
THis is so encouraging, thanks Sandi!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sandi, I am also encouraged.
ReplyDelete