Is Squashing Butterflies the Answer?

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I have been thinking, crying, praying, and contemplating over the burden I shared in my previous post, yearning for butterflies and fireworks.  I have definitely not learned a complete true biblical understanding of romance and passion yet, but I can say that I am beginning on my journey towards that end – starting the sorting process in my mind of lies from truth.  This post is my desire to record the repentance process so that I can later go back and remember what God has done in my life and worship and praise Him.

My wise (and cute) husband said that often when a pastor preaches on anger, during the preparation process of his sermon he will most likely face the temptation of anger in his own life.  The idea being that when you decide to pursue knowledge and understanding of something from the Scriptures, comprehending God’s will in order to worship Him better, then be prepared to face temptation.

I have faced temptation this past week.  I will save you from all the details and outworking of my sin.  But suffice to say, I was very introspective and consumed with fear of letting go of my desire for romance.  What is fueling my fear?  Unbelief.  Unbelief that my God is good, believing that He is withholding something good from me, fulfillment of my desires for butterflies and fireworks.

But I KNOW that God’s ways are wise and good.  I know that the wisdom of the world may bring temporary happiness, but it cannot truly satisfy.  So in my eagerness to rid myself of this burden I asked myself, “perhaps the answer is to squash all butterflies so they don’t tempt me and I can receive relief?”  No, that is not the answer for I am too weak to resist temptation in my own strength.  The world has perverted and twisted something good, God’s creation and blessing of marriage, and to ignore that is to shun God’s design.

So I started by going back to the basics.  What do I know about God’s will?  Philippians 2, in humility consider one another as more important than yourself.  I realized I was intimately aware of the outworking of romance and passion that I desired, but I had no clue what my husband desired.  So I asked him.

I was surprised to realize that he too has his own desires for how he’d like me to act and treat him.  But I was also encouraged to realize that his desires line up with the role as a wife that Scripture calls me to.  Dreams of a kind wife, a joyous companion, and a loving helper are just some of the romantic ideals that my husband dreams for our marriage.  What a relief that by obeying Scripture I can please the Lord and my husband, my pursuit is singular in focus and not divided.  I am thankful for God’s working in my husband’s heart to make him a man after His own heart.

So far in my journey I have learned that relief from my burden is not found by concentrating my efforts into squashing the butterflies of temptation.  Such efforts reveal that I believe God is withholding something good from me and I must be punished for my selfish longings, for I am too weak to resist my temptations in my own strength.  Instead relief and rest from my burden are found in my Lord Jesus Christ.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and My burden is light. – Matt 11:30

Through the work of my Savior I can become the wife He has called me to; a companion and helper who is kind and full of joy because my faith is firmly fixed on the goodness of my Savior.

To make it through this maze of butterflies I must remember that God is good.  But weariness settles in all to quickly when I realize that my faith is weak and my temptation seems too strong and attractive.  How can such a small faith guide me through my journey?  Thanks be to God for His promises in Scripture, for He says my faith may be little but all I need is faith the size of a mustard seed and God can move mountains! (Matt 17:20)

When I get weary, questions about God’s goodness towards my desires begin to tempt me towards unbelief in my Savior.  Weariness begins to settle in as I realize my faith is weak and I wonder how I can make it through this journey of butterflies.  It is then that Scripture encourages me and gives me hope!  My faith may be small, but God is faithful and He will work miracles within my heart when I rest upon Him!