God's mercy in the multitude of my anxieties

Today is not my proudest day in motherhood.  It is not the day to boast about amongst other mothers and cause them to envy.  But this is the day that the Lord has made, and He is good and therefore I have much to praise Him.  I want to share my morning with you in hopes that it will encourage you and cause you to wonder in amazement at the power of His Word and the lovingkindness of His Name.

Monday morning.  The start of a new day and the beginning of a new work week gives promise and illusion that maybe things will go according to my plans and desires.  Not this morning.  My husband hadn’t even left for work yet and already I had my first emotional breakdown.  Late last night we returned from a fun-filled weekend visiting family and going to the beach.  The mundane routine of life was interrupted for two days, but now it was Monday morning and everyone was adjusting back to normalcy.  My younger son, Trevor, was sick yesterday and still needed extra attention this morning.  But all I wanted was a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee without interruption.  I ignored him, like a self-centered junior high girl, giving him the cold shoulder and wishing for someone else to hear his cries and come get him. As he sat on the floor crying by my feet, Grandma heard from the other room and came to his rescue.  My husband then came downstairs and I confessed in tears to him my frustrations and failures as a mother.  He prayed for me and reminded me of my Savior’s mercy and urged me to think upon how God is merciful to me this morning.  He then left for work and I felt a little better.

But only a short while passed and I again was worked up and in tears.  My mom was now outside and I was holding Trevor and looking for his medicine.  When I found his medicine it was covered in ants.  I had to put Trevor down in order to wash off his medicine.  As soon as I put him down he started to cry again and crawl around my feet begging to be picked up.  My older son then came into the room with a toothbrush and toothpaste, wanting to brush his teeth.  I was overwhelmed and just wanted to attend to one thing at a time, but everything seemed to be coming at me at once.  Soon I was in tears too and yelling at my kids with all my might.  The emotions and sin building inside of me frightened me at the possibility of how I could respond.  Scared of myself, I scoped up Trevor and went running as fast as I could to find someone to hold him until I could calm down, marking my second emotional breakdown before 9am in the morning.

After Trevor went down for his morning nap and Jakob was watching Toy Story 3, I had a little time to think.  So I picked up my Bible and began reading.  Recently I began reading through The MacArthur Daily Bible and today and previous readings were from Psalm 94 and 95.

Psalm 94:17-19

Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
¹⁸ If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
¹⁹ In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

This psalm reminded me that the Lord my God is my Helper.  I could relate to the psalmist all too well this morning, for I surely did have a multitude of anxieties within me.  The word “mercy” caught my attention because Allan told me to look for God’s mercies.  This psalm also gave me hope in the midst of my anxiety.  It says that the Lord will hold me up by His mercy and bring my soul delight from His comforts!  This newfound hope gave me an eagerness to flip the page to read more.

Psalm 95:1-5

A Call to Worship and Obedience

¹ Oh come, let us sing to the Lord!
Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving;
Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.
³ For the Lord is the great God,
And the great King above all gods.
⁴ In His hand are the deep places of the earth;
The heights of the hills are His also.
⁵ The sea is His, for He made it;
And His hands formed the dry land.

Through His Word, God was at work answering my husband’s prayer and mercifully attending to my anxious soul.  As I read these first few verses from Psalm 95, verse 5 caught my attention.  The sea is the Lord’s, for He is the creator of the sea.  It reminded me of my weekend at the beach with the family.  I had just finished looking through pictures of my son’s playing by the beach and enjoying God’s creation.  God is good.  I again remembered my husband’s words to look for ways in which God is merciful. I continued to read on…

Psalm 95:6-11

⁶ Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.
⁷ For He is our God,
And we are the people of His pasture,
And the sheep of His hand.

Today, if you will hear His voice:
⁸ “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion,
As in the day of trial in the wilderness,
⁹ When your fathers tested Me;
They tried Me, though they saw My work.
¹⁰ For forty years I was grieved with that generation,
And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts,
And they do not know My ways.’
¹¹ So I swore in My wrath,
‘They shall not enter My rest.’”

This psalm was urging me not to harden my heart towards my Lord when I hear His voice (spoken through His Word).  I had just read from the previous psalm that God’s mercy will hold me up in the multitude of my anxieties.  Was I now going to hardened my heart in unbelief that God would NOT be merciful towards me in my failures in motherhood this Monday morning?  

One of God’s mercies given to me through the precious blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, is the mercy of repentance.  I had the ability to repent, to turn from my sins and turn to God.  Never had I been so excited at the possibility of repenting from my sins!  I always viewed repentance as drudgery and hard work.  But these verses made me eager to repent from my sins and turn towards my merciful Lord and Savior!  In repentance I was turning from anxiety, anger and selfishness and turning towards a loving, kind and merciful God!  What great reason to rejoice!

Psalm 95:1-2

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord!
Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving;
Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

Romans 2:4

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

And while I was basking in the wonder and riches of God’s kindness and mercy, Jakob gently looked at me and said “Mommy I gotta go poo poo.”  Returning back to the reality of motherhood, we quickly went to the potty and Jakob went poo poo in the potty for the very first time ever! (You can scroll down to see recent posts on my frustrations over potty training.)  I was so elated for joy I began to cry.  Oh the mercy of God’s timing and providence to answer my prayer for potty training at the same time of causing me to rejoice over His mercy!