This week has been vastly different from last week. Last week I went out without husband
and kids four different times, with only a purse big enough to hold a wallet
and a cell phone. This week I
stayed home and didn’t leave the house for four straight days in a row. Last week I painted my nails, did my
hair and makeup, put on jewelry and wore clothes that are totally impractical
and too fancy for motherhood. This
week I wore my pajamas over 50% of the time, did my hair in “do rags”, with the
only accents on my face being dark circles and two matching sties. Last week I watched my best friend get
married. This week my sons got
hand, foot and mouth disease and I watched Care Bears and Cars more than a
dozen times.
The day after the wedding I felt sober. I was talking to my husband about how I
was feeling and he said it was kind of like coming down from an emotional high
back to regular life. I was
confused and wondered, “if my best friend married a wonderful godly man, then
why am I sober and sad instead of happy and joyful?”
New love is so exciting. Everything is new and not yet know and the discovery and
anticipation is over half of the excitement. As I watched my friend and her groom get pronounced as a husband
and wife then exit the church, I saw her and the entire wedding party
rejoice. It was a wonderful moment
and one that will remain in my memory for a long time. But it also made me wonder, why does that
bubbly butterfly emotion come and go over time? Where is that bubbly emotion in the midst of diapers,
sickness, laundry and cooking?
Although I am truly thankful that I got to participate in
the festivities of last week, I am also glad it was only one week. I now have several wonderful memories
from my best friend’s wedding that I will treasure forever, but they are
memories without my own husband in them.
He lovingly stayed at home and watched the boys so I could celebrate and
enjoy the events of the wedding undistracted. I realized his sacrifice and it humbled me.
At the end of the week I missed my husband and I longed to
be with him. But it wasn’t any
butterfly bubbly emotion that compelled me to be with him, rather it was a
longing for his companionship and the refreshment it offers. And I realized that new love is good,
but steadfast enduring love is even better! The transition from last week’s festivities to this week’s
normal routine of motherhood was humbling. It was humbling to get a glimpse of the care-free life of
places to go and people to see, all while feeling pretty and happy…. only to
return to back to real life and realize I cannot live like that at this season
of my life.
The glimpse into last week’s festivities made me reflect on
own bubbly butterfly love, which catapulted me into my relationship with my
husband. It made me examine and
see if the pressures of motherhood have distracted me and caused me to treat my
husband more as a roommate rather than a spouse. But I realized that the steadfast enduring love my husband
showed me last week are the actions that cause the bubbly butterfly love to
take flight. The humble, sacrificial, thoughtful actions in the midst of the regular life changes the new momentary love into steadfast enduring love.
[The picture below was taken shortly after we got married]
Beautifully put Sandi. Can you hear me shouting AMEN!
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