My Walking Alarm Clock - Duties into Delight

Week 6—that was the magical number. “If only I could make it to week 6 then my newborn son will sleep through the night.” That was the motherly advice I was clinging to for hope when my first son arrived. But week 6 came and went and I still was not getting the sleep I wanted. Then another mother made a passing comment that sent me into deeper hopelessness, she said “Six weeks? Oh I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for six years!” Not exactly what the new, sleep deprived mother wants to hear.

And now week 6 has turned into week 102 and my sweet little guy still doesn’t sleep through the night, well at least not according to my definition. See when I hear the phrase “sleep through the night” my mind computes that into consistent 12 hour sleep for baby. And during those magical 12 hours, I compute freedom from all motherly duties for Mommy. So that equals my goal and desire for a sleeping baby is to obtain some of my independence that I lost when I became a mother.

My transition into motherhood for the first time was a hard one. And one of the reasons why it was so hard from me is because I lack a servant’s heart and I am very independent. I never thought of myself as independent before having kids. An independent person to me was someone who could go backpacking through Europe, someone who could travel to Africa on vacation just to fulfill the desire of riding on an elephant, someone who thrived on living alone. I knew my general disposition is quiet and shy, so surely a quiet and shy person could not be independent. But as I struggled with my new found duties of motherhood I tried to figure out why. Why was being a mother so hard and weary? Why was my response depression instead of joy over the gift of a baby?

Then I realized, I am a person who seeks control and order in life. I like to plan and have the ability of knowing what to do and how to do it. Much of that control and order in life is gone when you become a mother. You can’t control how many hours of sleep you will get each night. You can’t control the volume and length of cries your child makes. But you can try, and try I did. I read books on sleep training a child. I spent hours online searching for the answer of why my child did not sleep how I wanted him to sleep. I analyzed and hypothesized what could make him sleep more. The driving force behind my efforts to control my child’s sleep was fueled by my love for independence and my lack of a servant’s heart. It basically came down to this, I wanted a guaranteed time everyday that I could set aside as “me time”. A time that I could count on to do whatever I wanted without interruption or second thought of something else pulling for my time. I wanted rest, physical and emotional rest.

About one month after switching my son to his “big boy bed” I realized I was weary, needed rest and was at the danger of heading into that depressed state I experienced when my son was first born—I couldn’t get my son to sleep in later than 5am. I was frustrated and so consumed with this immediate circumstance in my life. I knew this was “just a phase” but I couldn’t see an end at sight, it seemed as though my son would wake up at 5am forever. I was focusing on the temporal circumstances of life and not focusing on the eternal things. I needed my mind to change and I knew that it was the Word of God that would enable me to see the big picture, to see the eternal things rather than the circumstantial things. But I didn’t have control over my time so how would I find time to read the Word regularly. Then I realized I already had an alarm clock that faithfully wakes me up at 5am every morning. My alarm clock has ruffled brown hair, big adorable brown eyes and a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. Instead of trying to fall back asleep at 5am and wrestling for just 30 more minutes of sleep, I could get out of bed and use that time to read the Word.

When I started waking up and using that time to read the Word and I found myself much more restful. The result was apparent to me. I needed rest for my soul, not rest for my body. The sleep God was allowing was enough for me. It wasn’t a lack of 1 more hour of sleep that would bring me rest, it was being in the Word that would bring me rest. God knows what we need and He brings about that which is good. We don’t know what circumstances are best for us, so the Holy Spirit intercedes for us (Romans 8:26). And we can trust that He will bring about circumstances that are the best for us (Romans 8:28), in order to conform us to Christ’s image (Romans 8:29). Truth be told, if my son slept in until 6am I would to. But because he wakes up at 5am and then rests/sleeps for another 30 minutes or so, it has enabled me to find rest. It has enabled me to wake up and get out of bed to be in the Word. It orientates my thinking to focus on the eternal things rather than be consumed and nearsighted with the immediate temporal circumstances of motherhood. It has changed the duties of motherhood into delight.

This change of duties into delight has been on my mind. It has given me a change of perspective of viewing other duties with delight.

· Regularly contacting supporters of our ministry allows me to regularly bring to mind each person God is using in our lives. It allows me to stop and take time to thank them, to put a person and their sacrifice to mind rather than just a monetary balance in our account.

· Taking control of finances through maintaining a monthly budget allows me to see exactly what God has provided and see what I need to pray for. It tangibly shows me how God will provide for our needs and gives me concrete things I can praise Him for when He answers prayer.

· Taking my role as a helpmate seriously enables me to be an encourager to my husband. I can take delight in my role as a helper to my husband because it relieves some of the burden and responsibilities he has on his plate, thus helping him be a better father and worker.

· Submitting to my husband’s style of gift giving has blessed me. When he asked me if I wanted a Kindle Fire for Christmas my initial answer was no. I didn’t see why I needed it or what I could use it for. But then I realized that was his choice for a gift for me and a gift is to be received. Now that I have the Kindle Fire I realize how much I can use it in my everyday life. Sure it is not a need, but it does help me in many areas. My husband knows me and knows the gift that would help and bless me.