My Umbrella of Protection

So I am just about a month away from the due date of my second son, Trevor Nathan. As I approach the birth of our second son it has caused me to prepare again for the birth process. And as I have begun to again prepare, it has caused me to be thankful for God’s design of a husband and wife, specifically the submission of a wife to her husband. Let me explain.

With the birth of our first son, Jakob, I was terrified of the actual birth process. Birth stories of others and the anticipation of pain caused great fear and anxiety in me. And how does my little heart and flesh try to cope with fear? By seeking to control as much of the circumstances as I can. And that is exactly what I sought out to do. I read books about childbirth, took classes about childbirth, met with experts about childbirth, and practiced positions and exercises for childbirth. I did all that was in me to seek to control the situation as much as possible. I made a birth plan and it had 12 points. I had my doctor sign my plan and I kept two copies with me to give to the hospital and nurses once I arrived. Part of what I learned in all my studies was that if it was possible, it was advantageous to have the least amount interventions if one wanted to avoid the most risks and complications. So in my desperation of control (to ease my fears and anxieties) I took that to mean “drugs and interventions are bad and reveal weakness.” To sum up a long story, at the end of Jakob’s birth 10 out of my 12 preferences in my birth plan went exactly opposite as I wanted and I ended up getting an epidural. I was unable to control my birth experience and as a result despair, frustration and sorrow resulted. I was jealous of others who were able to have the birth plan that I wanted, envious and assuming that they were better than me for being able to give birth naturally. I had lost sight of what was important. I lacked thankfulness for the healthy birth of my son. I lacked joy.

So as I think back on the birth of my son, what comes to mind is the emotional pain I experienced and my lack of thanksgiving and joy. So as the due date of Trevor approaches it makes me want to do things differently. I still see the benefits of having the least amount of interventions, and thus going as natural as possible, so I again want to try for that. So I was talking with Allan about whom to have in the hospital room to help assist me during labor. When we were having this conversation he said, “You know, the conviction to avoid epidurals is your conviction not mine. I am supporting you in this because I am preferring you, but it is not my conviction.” As we continued to have this conversation I learned that Allan recognizes the benefits of avoiding intervention and going natural, but he also knows and understands me. He knows how my heart can get consumed and tied up when I have a strong conviction that a certain thing is right. He sees how I put unnecessary pressure on myself to live up to a standard or conviction that I have set (that is a mere preference and not a biblical standard or command).

As I reflected on this conversation that Allan and I had it made me realize how much my husband understood me, my desires, wants, and sin tendencies. Although he saw the physical benefits of going drug free, when he compared that to the spiritual and emotional results that I would be tempted with, he didn’t have the same convictions as me. Then it dawned on me, although I am giving birth it is for the birth of OUR son, mine and Allan’s. Allan has been preferring me the whole time, and I was so consumed with what I wanted and what my plans were that I didn’t even stop to consider what Allan thought or wanted.

This is where the umbrella of protection comes in. When I took a marriage and family class in my biblical counseling training, the professor gave the illustration that God’s design for a wife to submit to her husband is because that is how He protects the wife. God gives this command to wives with full knowledge and understanding that husbands are human and thus sinful. Husbands will not always make the best decisions, they will sin and fail. They are not infallible. But nonetheless we are called to submit to them, and if we do then God will honor and bless us. Scripture is clear of submission and God’s design of it. When I apply God’s design and command of submission to the birth of our second son, it gives me wonderful peace and relieves many fears and anxieties. God does not have commands as to how one should give birth. Sure there is wisdom you can consider as you prepare. But the actual process and circumstances of giving birth are neutral, they are really neither sinful or honorable. BUT… God is very clear about submission. When I realized this, it caused me to gives thanks and rejoice for God’s protection of me through submitting to Allan. Allan knows my struggles, my sin tendencies and how my flesh can react. Allan cares for my walk with the Lord and desires foremost for me to walk with the Lord. Peace has come when I rest in God’s plan and purpose of submission. Peace comes because I no longer have to wonder which birth plan is the “best”. I no longer have to try to gain approval from God through following certain techniques in the labor process. Because Scripture is clear; honor, respect and submit to your husband. It is very easy to submit to a husband who knows and understands you better than you do yourself. The birth of Trevor just got a whole lot less complicated and I have more peace. And I think the result will be joy and thanksgiving after Trevor arrives rather than despair and frustration.