God is Gentle

If things went according to our plans, then Allan and I would be in the Philippines right now. It was a little over a year ago that Allan and I thought we’d be moving to the Philippines in May 2010. It was May 2009 and Allan had just graduated from seminary. We had also just found out that I was pregnant with our first child and that we were going to have a baby due in January 2010. With so many changes happening all at once I was a little overwhelmed to say the least. ☺ You can sum up my fears by saying that I get anxious and fearful over situations that I cannot control. I knew neither of life in the Philippines nor how to raise and care for a baby. And when you add those two together it was more than I could handle. My anxiety caused me to stress and only multiplied my fears. My trust in God was crowded out by my singular focus on my circumstances.

I knew I was not responding godly. Even in my overwhelmed and anxious state I could tell you that I was sinning and could even list to you the various ways my sin was manifesting itself in this situation. But I so desperately wanted to be a supportive and helpful wife to Allan. I didn’t want to be the wife that held her husband back from his pursuits because of her own fears. A verse that gave me great hope during this time was Matthew 5:6, “Blessed [happy] are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” That verse described me! I was longing to respond righteously to these new circumstances. [Allan is actually teaching on this verse this morning in Sunday School, perhaps that is what has reminded me of these things.] I was hungering for righteousness. To be the wife that didn’t complain and remained steadfast and self-controlled no matter the circumstances. To be the child of God who wholly trusted her Father in all things and did not lean on her own understanding. To be joyful and content in my salvation, that I have a great and powerful God. But this was NOT me. I know myself, left to myself and my own strength I am the exact opposite of these things. But this verse is a great hope!! It doesn’t say those who ARE righteous, it says those who HUNGER for righteousness! Yay!! I am definitely hungering for righteousness and this verses promises that those in the kingdom of God shall be satisfied. I remember, I am a daughter of the King of kings and that promise is for me. Although my circumstances didn’t change I now had hope that God can and would change my heart – and this hope gave my anxious heart a rest.

I remember talking through my fears with Allan. I now had hope. But I still did not have answers to all of my questions. Allan reminded me of who are God is. I asked Allan, “Do you think God will be gentle with me?” Allan said yes. I love that description of God. Gentleness. Now I had a promise to cling to and a gentle God to trust in. God does not lie. This verse tells me that I will be happy [blessed] and satisfied. I knew to be happy and satisfied God had to change my heart. I was at rest knowing that God was in work in me.

Indeed, God has been so gentle! We are not in the Philippines right now. We are living in Agua Dulce next to my parents. Allan is not serving in TMAI right now. He is working at Children’s Hunger Fund and serving at Family Community Church. This was not according to our plans, but it has been according to God’s plans. There has been a delay in our plans and we have to stay here a bit longer before we are able to go overseas. In this “delay” we have already seen how gentle God has been.

• Having a baby – remember my fear of losing control? Well having a baby brought this fear to life. You don’t have much control over a little baby. God has used a precious baby to teach me this lesson of trusting in His control and not my own. God has been gentle to teach me this lesson now before we get to the Philippines.

• Living in Agua Dulce – Being near my parents has allowed them to be a special part of Jakob’s life. He is their first grandson and they get to see him grow day in and day out. That is very kind of God. Also living in Agua Dulce is my “comfort zone”. Soon we will be in the Philippines – Allan’s “comfort” zone. Living in Agua Dulce has taught Allan how to be understanding to me when we are in his “comfort zone”.

• Attending Family Community Church – This has been a great blessing to us and deserves it own post. This is the first church either Allan or myself have been in since we’ve been saved (besides Grace Church). It is drastically different from what we are used to. But the people are warm and loving and have a genuine desire and hunger for God’s Word. This size and dynamic of this church is probably more similar to what we will encounter in the Philippines. It is gentle of God to allow us to learn some things here with this church.

• Working at Children’s Hunger Fund – Even in the “delay” God has provided for us. He provided this job for Allan so that he can provide for our family. It is a wonderful job. We are very thankful for the job. This job has also given Allan understanding for those lay-leaders in the church who work full time outside of the church and are also part of ministry in the church. Allan has a better understanding now because of this job.

• Writing my thesis – I have been wanting to “write my thesis” for a couple years now. Living in Agua Dulce next to my parents have allowed me to finally make progress on my thesis! I am so thankful.


[Sign pointing to our new church]


[View looking out from our porch]


[God's gentle blessing and reminder that I am not in control. His blessing comes with a smile just like Daddy's!]