"Soul? Bless the Lord!" - A self pep talk

We have had the advantage of moving to the Philippines a few months after two other families on our team moved here.  In many ways they gave us a "heads up" in what to expect since they recently went through similar adjustments.  One piece of advice I was told was that the emotions seem to come in waves.  Some days everything seems very similar to life back home in the States, and some days everything seems so very different and foreign.  Some days are just harder than others.  And sometimes, often out of the blue, the loneliness and sadness hits.  These alternating emotions come like waves, and just yesterday a wave of loneliness hit.

It was Sunday and our family was at church.  Our oldest, Jakob, was looking forward to church all week.  For the first time he asked me if he could bring his own bible to church.  On Tuesday he sat down and wrote his name in his Bible.  On Wednesday he asked for a pen he could keep with his bible so that he could take notes just like Mommy and Daddy.  On Thursday he packed his church bag to have it ready.  On Saturday he asked for 5 coins he could take and give when they collected offering in his Sunday School room.  He was excited.

I was excited.  Going to church wasn't always something that Jakob looked forward to.  We have had many Sundays where it was an effort to get him to church.  And here he was preparing all week for church!

But when we got to church things were different.  I opened the door to his Sunday School room and it was different.  For whatever reason instead of class like he was used it, it was a joint Sunday School time with all ages together in one big room.  Things were different and Jakob was scared and didn't like it.  Both Trevor and Jakob clung to my legs.  Their regular teachers recognized them and greeted them with smiles and hugs.  But both boys didn't like the change.  They hid behind me and wouldn't let go of my legs.  Jakob was no longer excited.  When I left to join Allan and the rest of the congregation I could hear my sons crying down the hall.

I slid into the seat Allan saved for me.  I was a few minutes late and the congregation was already singing some worship songs.  The song ended and the next one was going to start.  They were going to sing "10,000 Reasons."  My heart perked up, I love that song!  Instantly many memories came flooding back about singing this song with my home church.  But then they started singing and the melody was different.  The rhythm was slower and they didn't use the drums in the same place.  My eyes teared up as the wave of loneliness crashed over my head.

Allan looked at me and he instantly could see I was struggling to keep my emotions inside.  He gave me "that glance".  You know that glance, the one that carries so much in one non-verbal cue.  And I knew what he was saying.  He was saying "how would you counsel yourself in this situation?"  A question he often likes to ask me, to get me to start talking to myself biblically rather than allowing my emotions to get carried away.

So I did.

I remembered what my friends told me before I moved, "when loneliness hits don't try to stop it, embrace it." So I pulled out my phone and started flipping through and reading the bible verses I had studied previously and saved about God as my refuge.  Verses that reminded me that I could run to Him. 

Nahum 1:7 "The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."

Proverbs 30:5 "Every word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him."

Everything may seem different but I can take refuge in my God.

Psalm 103:14 "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust"

God knows me!  He knows that I am weak and like dust.  He knows that silly and small things like the melody of a song or the change in a Sunday School room can tempt me to loose hope.  I am not alone, God knows and understands.

Hebrews 6:17-20 ^"So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that ...we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf."

And the truth of God as my refuge is a promise that can anchor my soul.  A promise that I can hold fast to as waves of emotions crash over my head.  A promise that is guaranteed by Jesus Christ Himself!

So I read those verses over and over that morning.  I talked to my soul and reminded it of the truth of my God.  In between reading the verses I would look around me and start to feel the flooding of saddness quickly close in, but then I quickly put my head down again and held fast onto the anchor of my soul.

Psalm 103:1 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!"