How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….

“Sandi, I have the perfect guy for you!  I just have two questions for you…first, what do you think of guys who are not your race?  And two, what do you think of short guys?”

Those were the questions a good friend of mine asked me before she purposely tried to set up Allan and me.  I laugh when I recall that conversation because she thought she was being so sneaky but I knew exactly who she was referring to.  It’s funny to sit and reflect on the image of the guy I thought I was going to end up with and compare “him” to Allan.  That “guy” does not fit Allan’s description at all.  I guess I always imagined myself with a white guy, an “all-American” type guy, maybe he even plays baseball.  This “guy” has a wardrobe of jeans and tee-shirts and is very bad at fashion.  He is loud and goofy and always strives to be the center of the conversation and tells bad jokes which everyone laughs at anyways.  Obviously, Allan is none of those things and I was okay with that because I thought my list of expectations was merely external.  Needless to say I was quite surprised when we started dating and I came to realize what else I had valued on this “list” of expectations I previous created.

One of the things I remember most about our dating period was the adjustment of my expectations.  Ironically, to my surprise dating revealed how much I expected to be treated as a Disney Princess and to live out the storyline of a country love song.  So when I didn’t receive the attention and adoration I assumed I had the right to receive I got frustrated and angry and held Allan responsible.  Needless to say you can easily imagine how such an idol I constructed only set Allan up for failure.  But God used my failed idol of wanting to be treated like a Disney princess to make me stop and think as to what truly matters.

But now it is 8 years later and I am amazed and thankful that God gave me Allan in spite of myself!  In all accounts, he is not the husband I thought I wanted or needed, and God is so gracious to give us more than we can ask for.  A single friend of mine was recently asking me how I knew Allan was a godly man and how I knew what to look for.  She said most of her friends judge the worthiness of a potential husband by how he treats them, what he does for them in terms of actions and gifts.  But she said there must be more than that.  Her question made me think and reflect. 

When I boast about my husband it is not on the quantity of love letters he write me.  It is not on the variety of flowers he brings me.  It is not on the price and time he spends showering me with attention.  You see those were all of the things I thought I deserved in my Disney Princess fulfillment.  Instead when I reflect on my husband my heart swells with thankfulness and my tongue boasts of the Lord’s goodness that He gave me something so much better! 

Allan Luciano, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways….

·      Grasp of the gospel – he has the greatest grasp on the gospel better than anyone I know.

·      Slow to speak – I wouldn’t describe my husband as “shy”, but rather quiet.  He is slow to speak and does not waste his words. 

·      Thinker – because he is slow to speak he thinks before he speaks. 

·      Humble – because of his grasp of the gospel, he understands his sinfulness better than anyone I know.  As a result he prefers others above himself.

·      Listener – being slow to speak and thinking before he speaks are two of the reasons he is a good listener.

·      Slow to anger – it takes a lot to get my husband angry.  It took me 3 years before I even noticed anger in him.  I believe it is his grasp of the gospel and his view of himself as a sinner that makes him slow to anger.

·      Teachable – because he views himself as a sinner in need of grace he is very teachable and soft to the Word of God.

·      Filipino – I love his shiny black hair, big dark eyes, and warm skin.  It is amazing how different it is from mine.  I love the differences our backgrounds bring to our marriage.

·      Values relations over time – I come from a very time orientated background, I love how his value of relationships balances out my value of the clock.

·      Leader – I love how he leads and shepherds me.  Submission is a joy and ease with Allan as my husband

·      Wise – I joke that 80% of the helpful and encouraging things I have to say are just things that Allan has first taught me.  I am constantly finding myself saying in conversations, “my husband said…”

I am so proud to be called Allan’s wife.  My heart swells just like a Disney Princess when I think and contemplate at the husband God has given me in Allan.  Allan isn’t exactly the cowboy of the country love song, but he has swept me off my feet and because of the godly man God has created in him, it makes me go running into his arms each night.